Part 1
Well I finally ran another 5000m. It didn't matter for funding times, it was just good practice for the distance I'll actually be racing and I was really wanting to get a new PB. The last time I ran one last year I went 20:33 but I know I can for sure run faster, especially now. My run workouts have been much better this year. The goal was to finally go sub 20min. Very attainable. Unfortunately that wasn't happening on this particular day. I had been feeling off during practice the week leading up to it, getting back into things after being sick for a week. But no excuses, I was still going for it. There were two other women in the race that I knew were faster, and they ran us with the guys. Because who would want to stick around watching two races that long? It was also at 10pm and I'm pretty sure we all just wanted to go to sleep. Anyways I'm not going to go into detail about my splits or anything (yes, I have every lap time recorded if anyone's interested) but to make a long story short (and yes, 25 laps on an indoor track can feel very long), I gave a good effort considering how I was feeling but the speed was not there for me. I went 20:44 and was quite disappointed. I'll probably get another chance in a few weeks to be paced through a better time and finally get that PB.
Part 2
So lately I've been struggling a bit, physically and mentally.
At Monday's practice I had a hard time shuffling my way through my 45min easy run. Gary asked how I was feeling after and if I was feeling recovered from the 5000m. I said I was about ready for another recovery week! Then on the bike I was struggling so much to keep pedalling and for once I honestly didn't know if I could force myself through the whole practice. I told Gary I wasn't sure what the rest of the week would be like for me since I was already feeling so awful. He knows I'm not one to just complain and after looking around at some other tired teammates he cut a little bit off the practice.
The next day we had strength which was ok, and then some 200's on the track. Warm up was rough and I was hoping the adrenaline from doing speed-work would get me through the practice. Then Gary said the girls would do two less than the guys and I kind of got my hopes up... until he said I was an honorary guy. Normally that would be fine, but I guess the look on my face made him reconsider and say I could choose depending on how I felt. We got started and they were going alright I guess, but I asked if I could be a girl for the day.
Today I took a break from it all, including classes and training. I got some much-needed extra sleep and got some stuff done at home, but also relaxed a bit. I've found I'm very tired recently. And I'm finding it difficult to re-motivate myself. This is probably because of quite a few factors:
1. Being sick for a week and still recovering from it
2. Not really getting that "break" I was hoping for during reading week since I sat around being kind of miserable and not having a chance to catch up on stuff
3. Still feeling on the edge of getting sick again (and getting nosebleeds every few mornings which is an early sign of being run down for me)
4. Running the 5000m took a lot out of me!
5. Some late nights and stressfulness getting through my two midterms and two assignments last week
6. Not having training camp in the heat of Arizona at the end of the month to look forward to (I'm going in May instead but usually after Christmas my countdown begins to get me through the worst months of the year)
7. Our latest dump of snow makes it feel like winter will never end, even though everything has been flying by so fast ("triathletes attack life at the speed of light," which is also tiring in itself)
8. I've been trying so hard to "crush it" with everything I do lately, sometimes I gotta realize just because I'm a triathlete, doesn't mean I can keep that up all the time
Anyways I could probably keep listing more things getting me down right now but the point of writing this is to turn that around. I called Steve this afternoon since he wasn't having a great day either. I'm not the type to talk on the phone a lot but I'm learning sometimes it really helps. I tried to explain how I was feeling, just like I'm trying now. I had also gone for a walk right before that. It was kind of a random impulse, I never go for walks. I always figure I might as well run! Again, I attack life at the speed of light so why would I purposely do anything slowly? But I'm not feeling up for running right now and the sun was shining, I figured some vitamin D would do me good. I walked past the school field, where recess was going on. It was really interesting to see the kids, just running around and having fun. We tend to stop doing that after a certain age. Maybe the kids have it all figured out. I felt a bit better after just going for a walk in the fresh air.
So anyways, I was talking to Steve trying to figure out what was wrong and what I should do about it. What do I do that I enjoy? Training, obviously. When I'm stressed? I still go for a run or something. So when that isn't really an option? What could I do today? What else do I enjoy doing? I wasn't sure. I like swimming, biking, and running. What did I enjoy when I was younger, before my main focus was triathlon? What could I do that didn't require a lot of energy, but that could help me relax? We both study this in school, what people do throughout their lives as leisure. Even though having a clear focus at this point is great, triathlon training shouldn't be my only leisure activity that I enjoy. I got off the phone still not really knowing but feeling more positive that I will get through this. I wanted to do something instead of sitting around. So I got out my old favourite recipe for double chocolate cookies and baked while listening to some good music. Then I decided writing is another thing I enjoy, which is where this blog entry came from. I like getting all my thoughts out (and this is about as creative as I get, I'll leave the artsy stuff to Laura) and it doesn't even matter who reads it. I do it because I want to, but I also know I've got my family and friends behind me in whatever I do.
So I'll take this break from life without getting too down about it and hopefully I'll be back to crushing it with my usual crazy happy energy.
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